Shannon Sneary Alabanza

A mediator with over 25 years of experience in conflict resolution. From family disputes to workplace conflicts and even agricultural mediation, Shannon has seen it all—and helped countless individuals find clarity and resolution.

Can you share a bit about your journey into mediation? What inspired you to become a mediator?

Throughout my life, I have been in the position of a peacemaker. As a middle child, it came naturally to me to be “in the middle” of situations of conflict. Learning about mediation in college helped me realize the skill set needed to be more effective in these situations and I was immediately drawn to the process. My desire to be a mediator was further cemented when I had the opportunity to do my social work practicum at the Community Mediation Center and was introduced to mentors in the field who helped me grow my skills and knowledge. 

How long have you been involved in mediation, and what types of cases do you typically handle?

I have been a court certified mediator since 1998, however, I have been involved in mediation since my internship at Community Mediation Center (now FairField) in 1993. I mediate a variety of cases including separation and divorce, extended family conflicts, workplace disputes, and agricultural mediation. I also do facilitations, restorative justice conferencing, circle processes, adjunct teaching, and training. 

What do you believe are the key qualities of an effective mediator?

First and foremost I believe a good mediator has a high level of self-awareness. Knowing your own history and biases allows you to set that aside more intentionally and stay in an impartial role. 
Secondly, having a deep belief that mediation participants are smart, capable, and independent people who can make the best decisions for themselves can ground you in the ethic of self-determination. Self-determination is essential to the mediation process and leads to more effective, lasting outcomes.

Can you share a memorable mediation case where you felt you truly made a difference?

A mediation that had started out very contentiously had ended with a well-thought out and agreed upon parenting arrangement that was much different than what either parent came into the mediation proposing. This was the parties third time in mediation since their daughter was born and the first time they both felt that they had an agreement that would really work. It was important to both of them that their daughter saw them as united in this decision. The mediation took place on a Friday morning and they decided to leave the mediation and go directly to the child’s school to take her out for lunch and tell her the parenting plan together–the first time they had done something like that since she was born.

How do you approach resolving conflicts when emotions run high?

I believe that we are all “emotional people with thoughts” more than “thinking people with emotions.” Accepting that emotions are a part of every conversation helps me to engage with the participants where they are rather than trying to shut off or control emotions. 
One technique that works for me is to paraphrase and verify throughout the mediation–connecting in a deeper way with both parties to discover what is underneath the emotion and help parties really feel heard. There is a lot of brain science around this involving mirror neurons and such, so if you want to know more, I’m always open to a conversation–it is one of my favorite things to talk about!

What are some common misconceptions people have about mediation?

Mediation training participants most commonly come into the training thinking that I will be giving them tools to suggest outcomes or sway people to a particular course of action. They are often surprised that the mediator’s role is not to give ideas, suggestions, or tell people what to do, but instead to elicit from the participants what they need in order to have a positive outcome.
Parties to mediation often think that they need to prove their side to a mediator, like they would in court, and need to be informed (and often reminded) that the mediator’s role is not to be a truth-seeker or decision-maker, but to help the parties come up with solutions that work for them based on their own perspectives and understandings of the situation.

How do you personally define “success” in mediation?

For me, a successful mediation is one where the parties leave the session with more clarity than they had before. Typically this clarity is around what happened and how they are going to go forward and often this involves having an agreement about a particular issue or topic. However, sometimes mediation involves clarity that there is a different direction or path that needs to be taken in order to find satisfaction, whether that be court, a dissolution of a relationship, or something else. Either one of these outcomes to me is success.

ABOUT US

Founded in 1982, the Community Mediation Center now doing business as the Fairfield Center, was the pioneering organization in Virginia offering professional conflict resolution and restorative justice services and training.

MENUS

Home

Conflict Resolution

Trainings

Parenting Workshops

News & Events

Contact Us

CONTACT INFO

590 Neff Avenue, Suite 3000 Harrisonburg, VA 22801

+1 (540) 434-0059

Monday to Friday 9:00 am — 5:00 pm

info@fairfieldcenter.org

NEWS & EVENT

© 2023 Fairfield Center